Importance of Encouragement

Encouragement is one of the most powerful tools of motivation.  We all like praise and to have good things said about us. So encouraging children should be fairly simple, right? Well it turns out continuously praising a child can do more harm than good. The problem is children then tend to expect this sort of acknowledgement for everything they do and can get alarmed if they don’t get it. Also, they begin to rely heavily on external sources of encouragement rather than learning to develop a sense internal motivation and confidence in their own abilities. They do things not because they should or they can but only because it brings them recognition.  So, we have to understand that encouragement needs to be more than just a self-esteem booster. Here are a few tips to help you encourage your children positively.

Be Sincere and Specific

Yes, children can easily recognize when you are being sincere and when you are not.  When kids believe you are praising or encouraging them to just make them feel better, or are trying to manipulate them into different behavior, your words of encouragement can fall flat. General words of encouragement like great job or well done can also seem insincere. So be honest with your children praise them only when they have done something that is worthy. Remember children don’t need encouragement or compliments for every little thing they do. Try to be specific and factual in your feedback. Instead of saying “great job” say I really liked the way you used the colors in your painting. Specific and descriptive comments show you have paid attention and you really care.  When words of encouragement are given unexpectedly it can become a powerful motivator.

Stay Positive.

While you don’t have to praise them all the time, never belittle children’s abilities. For example, if your child finds difficulty in drawing. Don’t say oh my child is not talented in art. The child will pick this up and be over critical of his/ her abilities. The danger here is they will be inclined to give up something even before they have tried it.  The way to deal with this, is to acknowledge the child’s frustrations but then offer hope and be optimistic in your encouragement. If your child says, 'I can't draw a house,' you can say, Let’s try to draw the sun now and then we can go back to drawing the house. Encouragement is critical when your child is learning something new. For example, when your child is learning to ride a bike and is upset over not being able to master the skill. You can say riding a bicycle is tough but don’t worry you will learn to do it eventually.  Also make sure you encourage effort and not outcome. You can say, I liked how you continued to try getting on the cycle even after you fell down the first time. The sort of encouragement will show your child that things can be done and they have the abilities to do them.

Don’t compare

While comparisons can sometimes motivate us to do better, it can often back fire. In today’s age especially, children are constantly in competition with their peers.  They are already under self-induced pressure to perform better than others. When parents begin to make comparisons, even if it just to motivate children, it adds to their burden. So when you say “oh you were so good in your football session today soon you will be better than Ravi!” These statements can actually place more stress on your child. Also comparisons will only encourage them to remain in a competitive mind set.  It teaches children that winning is the goal! Which means they will be happy and excited when they beat their peers but will probably be depressed and not motivated when they fail. Children should be encouraged to for a growth mind set rather than a competitive one.

Ask them

Encouragement can take forms other than praise. You can treat your child like the expert and ask him how to do something. Ask them how they did that lovely drawing? Or about their “Frozen” figurine collection? Or their hot wheel cars. You will see them explaining and talking about things they are interested in. You can also do the same for their school work. Ask them how they arrived at an answer to the maths problem. Ask them for the time, if your child has just started learning to read time. This way children understand that you are appreciating the work they do.  This form of encouragement tells your child you recognize the value of their work and interests. It validates their inner drive to continue to explore and be better at the things they do.

Encouragement is a double-edged sword, when used correctly it can be a strong motivating force and a great tool for enabling childhood learning. Children who receive encouragement are more resilient. They focus on their efforts and believe they can change their circumstances through determination and learning.